over again

Got up this morning and had some coffee. After the full water-belly subsided, I got dressed and headed up to a local trail to run. The track is a mile and a half loop with plenty of little hills and twists for fun. So I get there and I run… about 500 feet before the first hill and suddenly I remember that I haven’t ran in months. And I’m an idiot. I slow to a brisk walk up the hill, jog down and realize I’m totally not prepared to run a mile and a half on a treadmill, let alone outdoors in the wind and with real scenery (aka things I might trip over). I was pretty bummed about a half mile in & started mentally beating myself over the regression. Somewhere in that second half mile I started to realize that it was just fine if I kept myself at a good brisk pace of walking/jogging and by the time I got back around to my car, I decided to make another trip around even if it was just walking. So I pumped my short little legs around one more lap until my stomach decided I really should have had a more significant breakfast & I headed home to scarf an egg/eggwhite sandwich. And some grapes. And some soy yogurt.
Thoroughly unimpressive, but for a first day back after sitting on my bum, I’ll say I did pretty well at not overdoing it as well as not underdoing it. So, meh. More tomorrow.

hungry

I think we’re going on 5 days now of somewhat decent levels of sleep, lack of annoying puppy behavior, and life is starting to regain some sense of normalcy.
And with that normalcy comes desire to do things that fell along the wayside that I would consider normal. Like go to the gym. I’m pretty sure that my gym membership expired this week though, and even if I am getting a decent amount of sleep, I’m not sure where I would fit in time to go to the gym anyway. I even want to run (Ha!) even though a mile was quite a chug for me even when I was attempting to run on a regular basis. So now I need to decide if running is worth running outside for me.
Or I can try getting my cardio kick indoors on DVDs. Time become much less of a factor, but the privacy to do all sorts of goofy shit while sweating my ass off is hard to come by.
I think the only solution to this is to ask Brandon where he prefers I spend my time.

The other significant change I’ve noticed lately is being ravenously hungry. At least it seems ravenously, but since I’m not tracking my calories lately, I don’t know what my actual intake is. I was worried that it was stress eating and not being actually hungry, but my weight has remained really steady over the past few weeks. I don’t think I’m honestly getting that much more physical activity, even with the puppy, so I have no idea what to attribute it to. This one might have to remain a mystery for a while, because I probably won’t take the time to track my calories again until I figure out some kind of work out routine. (Why not? Dieting alone doesn’t really make me lose weight, and working out makes me even hungrier, so it’s only worth while to make sure I don’t eat my efforts.)

How do you make time to maintain good habits?

Renewed

This is not a new thing for me. Not even really a ‘back on the bandwagon’ since one day does not make a habit. But I told myself I’d switch up my schedule so I could work out in the mornings again, and today I did. I was in bed just after 9pm last night, and jolted out of sleep at 3am, afraid that I’d over slept. Finally got back to sleep and only hit snooze three times before getting up at 5:30. I’m definitely tired. And morning work outs make me ravenous the rest of the day, so I’m fighting the urge to scarf down everything I packed for my snacks and lunch today and then go out and get some junk later. Totally healthy attitude I know. One snack now, while I write, then.
I did Jillian Michaels’ “Banish Fat Boost Metabolism” dvd, and sucked at it. It’s 45 minutes of all cardio, and I loathe cardio. But as the name suggests, it’s really good for your metabolism, even more so done first thing in the morning.
At least it’s not running, which I’ll be making a point of doing once I can actually get to the gym without fighting 27 people for a treadmill. But for now, something is better than nothing, and if I can keep up with this a few days a week I’ll be just delighted. (Delighted might be a strong word, but pleased with myself regardless.)
The other main thing I want to work into my training is the Show & Go plan that I purchased last November. I made it almost through one week before the holidays and my own social schedule started interfering with gym time. And then, most predictably, I haven’t picked it back up since. It’s pretty bad ass though, and I’m learning a LOT of cool strength training moves and also about ‘soft tissue work’ that will keep me healthy and less likely to get injured. I’m pretty sure that Eric Cressey (who designed the program) would want to kick my ass for even subjecting myself to Jillian Michaels baby barbell shenanigans, but at least I know better than to rely on that to get where I want to go.
Where do I want to go?
I know better than to strictly quantify my goals, but at least under 140lbs so that my BMI is in line. I’d like to be able to run a 5k (like actually run), and lift lots of heavy stuff. I’m most excited to learn how to dead lift and get a decent squat kinda like this chic. And no, I’m not afraid of getting all buff & ripped and scary away mean boys. For one, it’s REALLY HARD to get beefy. For two, so what if I do? I can help Brandon move the couch from one spot to another, woo hoo!
So where am I now?
A smidge under 160lbs. My absolute lowest was 149lbs last July. I don’t know my absolute highest, but it was somewhere around 185ish, and highest recorded was 175 last February. I busted ass to get down 25lbs in under 6 months, but at the end I was completely burnt out. I started out just not going to the gym as much, then stopped tracking my calories all the time, and then lost all my motivation to be anything other than the person who got me to my highest weight to begin with.
I have at least gained the wisdom to not consider this a failure. But it would be, if I didn’t try to get back on track again with some new goals and fresh perspective.
Ok, I’m feeling much better after my soy yogurt, so I’ll tackle giving my diet update tomorrow.
Feel well!

The elusive wagon

I’ve tacked my food for about 3 days of the past 30. I’ve been to the gym zero times in at least the past 6 weeks, maybe actually longer. About half the food I eat is really healthy.  A third is really not, and the rest I should just eat less of.
I feel like crap. Partially because I’ve been nibbilng on things that are downright bad for me, but taste so freaking good (stupid dairy). Also in part because I’ve been itching for over a week now. Normally the dairy wouldn’t be enough to cause more than the occasional sniffle, but combined with the fact that I used a laundry detergent that I’m apparently very allergic to… well I’m a mess. The itching makes me cranky when I’m awake, and wakes me up at night (probably also contributing to my crankiness). Yesterday I finally went to the doctor to get a medicine. And last weekend I rewashed all my clothes that I’d possibly washed in the offending soap with my good old standard Tide.
I’m still itching.
But I’m still not taking very good care of myself. Which makes me feel guilty, which manifests itself STILL in destructive eating, mostly. It seems like it’s such a simple cycle to break, and I can’t explain why it’s not.
I resent the fact that I can’t eat the same things that a ‘normal’ person can. Especially when I’m reading about ‘healthy eating’ tips and ideas and they’re talking about how good low fat cheese and milk are for your body. Not mine, though. It’s a lot of wasted energy, this resentment. I’m well aware.
I know in order to get out of the rut, I have to just do it. It’s hard to run on the food I’ve been eating. It’s going to hurt to start lifting again. And being hungry while your body gets adjusted to a calorie restricted diet, well it sucks.
And then once all those things stop sucking, then I start missing time at home with Brandon. I start watching my friends eat and drink the things I will not. I weigh every morsel that goes into my mouth, and log it.
I guess I’m still searching for some middle ground that suits me better, and in the mean time I’m going on a Woe-Is-Me sort of rant.
I have absolutely no energy (despite just having eaten lunch) and I’m itching, but I’m going to try to get outside after work for an attempt at running. Or at least moving forward with out falling on my face. Both literally and figuratively.
End snarky self-talk.

Pushups week 1

So I just completed week one of the 100 push-ups challenge. Day one was harder than I expected. Day three was easier than expected. Not really sure how that works; maybe that just means it’s working.
Now I will admit I did really start on week one, even though the program states that if you can do more than 20 push-ups you should skip to week 3. Yes, after all that bragging about being able to do 22 push-ups, I chickened out a little bit.
Whatever.
I’m sure that it will get very tough soon enough though.
This week has been pretty trying for workouts in general.On Wednesday, I was pretty sure that I had pulled and possibly even tore a muscle in my left quad. I couldn’t even walk on the treadmill, let alone run. So I rested the next day, barely even walking around at work. And then yesterday I was feeling a lot better, so I got on the treadmill. Walking felt fine, other than I was kind of stiff. I warmed up, stopped stretched, and then ran a half a mile. Kind of sore again today, of course, but at least I’m pretty sure I didn’t actually strain anything. Must be sure to do more stretching & drink extra water when I plan on running.
I keep meaning to write about all the things that happened 4th of July weekend, but an entire week later, I think it would be a little silly. At least here are a couple pictures from the trip to the zoo Brandon and I took.

5k

Let me tell you all something.
I am a bad ass.
But sometimes I am really not.
Like yesterday. I got off work, went to 3 Rivers Running Co on my sock quest. I must have looked fairly lost, standing there staring at the socks & touching them. After about a minute of doing that, an employee asked me if he could help me find something. “I need some socks,” I said, as if that weren’t entirely obvious. I explained how I just started running a few months ago, and just recently started getting blisters as I’ve been running longer distances. I told him I knew I was running in the wrong socks, my plain cotton ones. “Yeah, those will tear your feet up,” he said with a smile.
I was REALLY glad I had done some research on socks before going in there, otherwise I would have felt really foolish when he asked me about compression and thickness. But I had read, thankfully, so I knew that compression was good  for preventing chaffing and thickness provided cushioning for long distances.
Distance for me is probably something that a lot of runners might find laughable. I’m delighted to be running a whole mile without walking. In twelve minutes. Which is slow enough to barely be considered running by some people, with longer legs. But I’m proud of it.

So I told him high compression & thin weight. He said, “I have just the thing for you, what’s your size?” Et viola, socks. He also showed me another pair with a slightly heavier knit (that happened to be pink) but I took him at his first instinct, and purchased that pair. And I was off to the gym.
Now all week I’ve been crying to anyone who will listen to me about how much my legs hurt. Not my joints, not my shins, just the muscles, from doing lunges. UG. I don’t even like to use the word because they caused me so much pain. I’ve been stretching and drinking lots of water but the pain just won’t seem to go away. But clearly as soon as it does, I need to do lunges again because my muscles aren’t very strong.
Yesterday, though, walking was bearable, so I figured I would be able to at least do a mile in my new socks. I was dead wrong. I started out at a brisk walk, which hurt. I slowed down a bit and did an extra long warm up, and then set the treadmill to 5.0 (for my 12 minute mile). Not ten seconds later, I had to stop because it felt like the muscles in my legs had burst into flames. I was SO angry. I kicked up the elevation so I could bring some kind of intensity to the exercise. After ten minutes, I still hurt and I was so annoyed I gave up, lifted some weights, and went home.
I felt like a failure at running.
This morning though, my legs felt just a little better. I got up and started stretching. I had a glass of water and kept stretching. I ate some yogurt, and stretched some more. Ok, I can do this.
I told myself as I was getting ready to leave that I would get to 3.1 miles if I had to walk the whole thing and it took an hour. I got on the treadmill at a brisk walk. A few kinks but ok. I sped up to a really fast walk and felt pretty good. And then I ran. A nice 5.0 jog and it felt great. I alternated between walking and running for about 20 minutes until I got to almost two miles. And then I started to really hurt again. I wasn’t even sure how I was going to get to the 2 mile mark so I slowed way down. Waaaay down. I watched the treadmill finally kick over 2.0 and thought about stopping. I was almost at 30 minutes, which is technically the gym limit for the cardio equipment. But then I wouldn’t do what I came for. And quite frankly, my feet (despite my legs) felt great. Yay socks!
So I kept walking. Slowly creeping myself back up to a decent pace, and sure enough I started to feel alright again. So I ran some more, and walked some too. And then I got this crazy idea. I had about a half a mile left, and I was at 40 minutes. It occurred to me that if I kicked it all the way up to 6mph I could finish in under 45 minutes. Screw it, I’m gonna do it.
I cranked it up and felt like I was flying. Something changed in my body because I could barely feel my lungs gasping for air or my muscles screaming at me to slow the hell down. I felt amazing. And I finished 3.1 miles at 44:49.
I think I’m going to go buy another pair of those socks.

Flawed feet

I’m still on a quest to figure out how to run with minimal pain/infliction to my body. I’m making lots of progress building speed and endurance. My shoes are fabulous for defending against shinsplints. My physical therapy exercises are getting my knees in shape.
All I seem to have now is two little spots on the bottoms of my feet that sometimes like to blister. Ick. I did learn that I’m wearing the ‘wrong’ socks. You’re absolutely not supposed to wear cotton socks because they don’t wick away moisture, which can lead to blistering. So this is will be the first thing I try to prevent further injury.
I won’t discuss in detail one thing that happened to me this morning, but it’s so peculiar I can’t not mention it at all. I purchased some Band-aid Blister Pads on recommendation. They’re amazing. They really do last multiple days without getting peeled back & gross like regular bandages. The odd thing is that they adhere fairly strongly to the blister skin, I’m assuming to heal it.  You can imagine what might happen when one goes to remove these things after a couple days. It’s absolutely painless though. Very weird.

I’m really hoping that the blisters are not a symptom of something else that is going to cause me future pain. A lot of people with similar issues end up getting custom orthodics. While I’m sure this is a really great way to take care of your feet while simultaneously subjecting them to harsh conditions, they can be pretty expensive. And quite frankly, I’ve spent quite a lot of money taking care of my feet already this year.

I guess we’ll see. I still need to figure out what socks to get and where to get them.

Maybe after work, there’s a running shop near the gym I can hit up on my way. http://www.3riversrunning.com/

Fingers (toes?) crossed!